National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day

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The month of October has, by U.S. Congress, been declared National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day and today, October 15th, has been set aside to specifically memorialize infant loss and pre-term loss of pregnancy. This day is near and dear to my heart as I'm sure it is to many of you reading this post.

It has been one year, seven months, and eight days since we lost our first baby almost nine weeks into my pregnancy. It was the hardest time of my entire life. My heart breaks for those who must experience this kind of loss, especially when a baby is wanted so badly.

Despite the many numbers of women and men experiencing a miscarriage at some point in their marriage or life, many still feel very alone in their experience.

Please click on the banner above and explore other sites to learn what this day is all about.

And, take a moment to pray sincerely for those who have miscarried or lost babies due to stillbirth or SIDS. This is one of the most painful experiences couples face, especially those who have trouble conceiving and when they do, end up losing the baby.

Here is a passage that calms my fears when they start to bubble up. The entire psalm is amazing, but I have blackened the parts that are particularly soothing. Blessings to each of you!

Psalm 34

(from The Message bible)

1 I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.

2 I live and breathe God;
if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy:

3 Join me in spreading the news;
together let's get the word out.

4 God met me more than halfway,
he freed me from my anxious fears.

5 Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
Never hide your feelings from him.

6 When I was desperate, I called out,
and God got me out of a tight spot.

7 God's angel sets up a circle
of protection around us while we pray.

8 Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him.

9 Worship God if you want the best;
worship opens doors to all his goodness.

10 Young lions on the prowl get hungry,
but God-seekers are full of God.

11 Come, children, listen closely;
I'll give you a lesson in God worship.

12 Who out there has a lust for life?
Can't wait each day to come upon beauty?

13 Guard your tongue from profanity,
and no more lying through your teeth.

14 Turn your back on sin; do something good.
Embrace peace—don't let it get away!

15 God keeps an eye on his friends,
his ears pick up every moan and groan.

16 God won't put up with rebels;
he'll cull them from the pack.

17 Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
ready to rescue you.

18 If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.

19 Disciples so often get into trouble;
still, God is there every time.

20 He's your bodyguard, shielding every bone;
not even a finger gets broken.

21 The wicked commit slow suicide;
they waste their lives hating the good.

22 God pays for each slave's freedom;
no one who runs to him loses out.

A Long 4 Days

I am just going to tell you all what is going on, but probably won't elaborate much on it at this point.

Friday night I started bleeding some. We were in Altus, OK with Rich's family, so the ER wasn't an option at that point. We decided to go to the clinic in CHildress in the morning. I wasn't experiencing any cramping at this point.

Saturday I continue to bleed (only during restroom trips), and we go into the clinic. My hormone levels are tested and MUCH to my surprise they are still elevating. So, we come home and I stay in bed all day Saturday and Sunday.

Sunday night I start cramping and have more bleeding so we go to the ER. After 4 hours, they do an urinalysis, blood work, pelvic exam and sonogram (bless the sonographer who was awakened at 10:30 p.m. to come in for us) they find: my hormone levels were still rising (what?), my cervix was slightly dilated (usually a sign of the onset of a miscarriage), but the most surprising to ALL of us...the baby was fine. The heartbeat was the same as it was Thursday, his measurements were right on track with what we saw Thursday, and he was trucking right along. We were shocked, amazed, and totally perplexed! The sonographer said if the doctor hadn't told him my cervix was dilating, he would have said it was closed. He took pics of EVERYTHING and said all looked fine...he had no idea why I was bleeding and having cramping.

So, I was told to come home and stay in bed, and Monday morning to call my doctor to make an appointment.

Monday we see Dr. Ridens. She doesn't add much more...the sonogram and hormone levels look okay, so just have to wait and see. She puts me on total bed-rest for this week and possibly next (which is my Spring Break) and has us make an appointment for blood work on Thursday.

Of course we are praying for good results, but we have also come to a place of peace with this situation. Turning this whole situation over to God, I have accepted there is a very good possibility I am in the middle of losing the baby or have already lost it. I am so thankful (I know it is hard to understand, but I really mean it) for this time of trial because it has brought me closer to my loving heavenly Father and has made the bond between my wonderful husband and me that much stronger.

We have not given up hope or the belief that our God is AWESOME and powerful and can and will work miracles on our behalf. We are just accepting the possibility that His miracle may not be what we have in mind.

So, again we beseech you for prayers of healing and comfort. Particularly, we pray for a rising hormone count and that Sprout has been protected from this trauma going on inside of me. We also pray for comfort and reassurance and that God will guard our hearts and minds against the devil's antics.

We love you all and thank you for your love and friendships!

Sprout is OK!

I hope by the title of this post you can see we had good news today at both doctor's appointments. I feel like this day has lasted an entire week, but I will try to break it down for you as best I can remember it.

I had an appointment this morning to get blood work done to test my hormone levels. We came home and waited about an hour and finally got a call from Dr. Ridens. My levels are still rising, but they aren't rising exponentially as we would expect. HOwever, just the tone of my doctor's voice made me feel so much relief. Before, she sounded very cautious about reassuring me, but today she said as long as the levels were rising, things were progressing forward and that's what she wanted to see. She bid me farewell until later in the day. She said I would have a "great afternoon" once I came in for the ultrasound, which made me feel all the more confident for good news!

So, I go back to school with this good news, praising the Lord with every step I take, literally! At school, I run to the bathroom, only to find I have spotted again. I am not devastated, but definitely not happy. So, I wait through another class period and then tell our secretary I am not returning after lunch and to please get me a sub. I came home, and crashed with the dogs on the couch.

3:30 we head over to the hospital. We only have to wait 20 minutes this time! After I get all set up and my doctor and the ultrasound tech both come in the room, they get to work. It takes LITERALLY a full minute, at least, but the tech finds the baby's heartbeat! Oh, what sweet JOY! Tears of relief roll down my cheeks. It was the most amazing sight I've ever seen! I have two heartbeats inside of me, mine and Sprout's! We could see Sprout had attached correctly, and that his or her heartbeat was beating 123 bpm! From his measurements, there are two possibilities; he is small or the original date of conception was off. We think the latter is more likely, and so my new due date is the 21st of October instead of the 14th!

Praise my loving heavenly Father for this miracle! Richard and I were talking about how we will never know what all God did so that we could see that heartbeat today and what he is doing right now to ensure Sprout is healthy and develops normally...oh, how unworthy we are of His majesty. I honestly don't know how people get through times in their lives such as these, without His Peace.

So, our news is good. If our news had not turned out well, would I still praise God's name for his work? Yes. Yes, I would. It would be hard, but I would do it, because this isn't the first time I have suffered, and I know it will not be the last. Through this suffering, I am becoming more like the Jesus I love so much and what an honor to have Him as a role model!

Also, I asked Dr. Ridens about what the hormone levels mean and why she thought they might be low. Her answer is what we have suspected all along...it's just ME! One thing I have learned well in the last 2 weeks ...no two pregnancies are alike and moreover, different women's pregnancies in many ways are more different than they are similar. I imagine I will continue to have routine blood work just to make sure things are still trucking along, at least in the first trimester. Dr. Ridens doesn't want me to worry about my hormones because things looked so good on the ultrasound today...music to my ears (and heart)!

Thank you to every one of you who has kept us in your prayers! We could feel them and they comforted us. We will still need lots of prayers as this baby continues to form and develop!

So, last but DEFINITELY not least...here's our little Sprout! The circle inside the bigger circle is the yolk sac (where he gets his nutrients right now) and the long vertical mass to the left of the yolk sac is Sprout!

But Take Heart!

I waited to share this with everyone until after our doctor's appointment this afternoon. I had the scariest, most emotional, and ironically one of the most spiritually growing experiences of my entire life last night. Of course, this all has to do with Sprout, the precious form growing inside of my belly. Without going into too much detail, I "bled" last night right before going to bed. Now, I say "bled" but it wasn't a constant flow, nonetheless it was more than just a spot. Okay, I know some reading this have never experienced it, and I honestly pray with all my heart you never have to because it is the most terrifying thing to happen at this stage in my pregnancy. I have to be honest and admit...I TOTALLY freaked out! I started shaking uncontrollably all over, and even with Richard holding on to me tightly, I couldn't stop. I was so scared. More scared than I've ever been...ever. So, we made phone calls to my sister-in-law, who has had the same thing happen to her with both her pregnancies, my mother, and the hospital. Long, long story, made a little bit shorter. I had no cramping at all and no more blood the whole night, but I couldn't shake this dread. It was like this dark cloud, hovering over me, the devil was whispering in my ear. Richard on the other hand, was totally calm. He kept repeating, "God is in control, and He's taking care of you and Sprout." He prayed over us with his arms wrapped around me as I, the seemingly faithless shell, just sobbed. Eventually, the crying stopped, but my heart was beating uncontrollably fast, which I knew wasn't good for Sprout or me. So, as I lay in bed, not able to sleep, this thought came into my mind, "Lord, just bring me peace, Lord just bring me peace." I said it over and over and over again until I was so tired I couldn't think any more. I still couldn't sleep, but slowly, this peace washed over my body and after the hour of sleep I did get, I woke up trusting my Father was holding Sprout in His hands and things were okay.

I made a Dr's appointment this morning and had a pelvic exam and things are just fine. My hormone levels are at 4,000, which is normal for my stage of pregnancy, and I will do another hormone check on MOnday to make sure my levels are elevating as they should. So, all is well.

I know there is a good chance this will happen again. I have always heard about the love a mother has for her child and how you just can never know it until you have experienced it. I know my child is only 6 mm long, barely even there. But Sprout is God's design and creation and I love her so much already! This is why I know the next time this happens, I will be better prepared for the devil's little games of doubt and fear.

Here is the scripture I looked up this evening after the day was over and I could take some time in my thoughts about what had happened. It is exactly what I was feeling and trying to trust as I repeated those words, "Just bring me peace, Lord," in bed last night.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Our Baby...read the entire post!

Today is Maggie Louise's 3rd birthday! We are so thankful for her and that we were blessed to have found her in Franklin, Texas in a trailer house. I think I will follow suit and tell you a little about our baby schnauzer precious one:

-She was born in a trailer in Franklin, Texas.
-She was a birthday present from her daddy to me.
-She is a salt and pepper miniature schnauzer.
-When she was a puppy, she ruined some of our furniture with her voracious chewing, but we love her anyway!
-When she was a puppy, her aunt Corrie had to remind us "Her didn't mean it, Mommy and Daddy," because she was always into mischief!
-She has lived in Franklin, College Station, and now Childress.
-She loves chasing birds and squirrels and has managed to catch at least a few birds.
-She loves her sister, Marlee Jane.
-She is very smart...she knows how to sit, lay down, sit pretty, and tell us when she needs to go potty.
-Her best friend, other than her new sister, is Grace Ellen Searight whom she misses tons!
-She's one of a kind and very loved.

But wait, I'm not quite through telling you about my baby. No, I don't mean Maggie or Marlee. I'm talking about our REAL baby! Yes, you read correctly blogging friends! Richard and I are expecting! Yay! As some of you know, we've been trying for a little while now, so this was very exciting, yet still shocking, news! We found out Sunday and are absolutely thrilled! I went to the doctor yesterday and my official due date is October 14th. I am a little over 6 weeks along and things are going well! Please keep all three of us in your prayers as this first trimester is a bit unsettling, especially the time before our first ultrasound/sonogram. Here are the first pictures we've taken!

The most nerve-wrecking time of my entire life, and then the most joyous moment!


We are calling the baby Sprout (short for bean sprout, which Rich thought up)!


"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, Charla, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3

This scripture was really on my heart while we were trying to conceive. I think about it now, and just am amazed and awed at God's perfect timing and the work he has started inside of ME! Am I worthy of such a blessing...absolutely not! Will I praise Him for his gift...absolutely so!