Sunday, May 11, 2008

Thoughts from the Weekend

-First, Happy Mother's Day to all of you mommies reading this! And ESPECIALLY, Happy Mom's Day to my Momma! She's the best and the one thing I'm most thankful for about her is that she didn't try to be my friend when I was younger and that she is such a GREAT one to me now!
(this picture is actually a few years old, taken at a family reunion in Colorado in was the first one of the two of us I found, so I chose it out of laziness)

-Richard's brother and sister-in-law, Ronnie and Dawn were here with our nephews Drew and Kade. It is always a thrill to have them visiting. We've had such a good time playing at the park, feeding ducks, wrestling, visiting with the horses, riding tractors and all sorts of other shenanigans.

-We were having a conversation about life last night and Dawn called Richard and I a name I'd never heard used in this context...DINK. She called us DINKS. I really didn't know what to think about that because I had no clue what it meant. The first thought that came to my mind was Dink, a goat we had growing up that we could literally ride on the back of...he was a HUGE Neubian. Dawn then told me it stood for Dual Income No Kids. I thought that was funny. Yep, it's definitely us, but I feel like with this fertility stuff we're paying for a kid we don't have yet and aren't promised we will ever receive. Can't wait to change that moniker to DIOK; it doesn't roll of the tongue as nicely, but it will make my heart oh so happy.

-When I was a child, I had this somewhat irrational fear of being left alone. Actually, it was very irrational and looking back I can see it was probably annoying for my parents or any adult caretaker of mine. I absolutely refused to be left alone at home, in the car, anywhere. I was always aware of where my mom was at all times and would PANIC if I couldn't see her in the store or thought I'd lost her (usually she had just walked around the corner). I was just extremely paranoid of being lost and not knowing anyone. This even extended to times when my mom was picking me up from school or other functions; if she was even the slightest bit late I started to get anxious and panicky. It was so pointless, but I seriously couldn't help it. This lasted way too long...I remember being scared like this for the last time in about seventh grade. Mom was late picking me up from something (I think MAYBE 5 minutes or so) and I started to lose it. Once when I was about 8 or 9, my Nana left me with my 2 other cousins, and my brother in the car while she ran into HEB. She was probably gone no longer than 10 minutes and I started to freak...I got out of the car and bawling, started asking people in the parking lot if they would help me find her. About the same time she came out of the store. Sheesh. Although it was ridiculous, it also was not fun to live with.

So, the reason I gave you all this background information was to lead you into what happened at Wal-Mart today. Dawn and I were headed to get some tape in the back of the store when I saw a little girl, no older than 8, looking around franticly, trying to hold back tears and I knew instantly she was lost. I recognized that panicked look in her eye and my heart just broke for her. So, I asked, "sweetie, have you lost your momma?" at which point the flood gates opened and tears started streaming down her face. So, I assured her we would find her and start talking to her and asking her questions, "what does she look like?" "where were you when you last saw her?" "what's your momma's name?", etc...Eventually we called her on the loudspeaker, but soon after Dawn located her and we were able to reunite them, Kensie and her Momma...happily ever after, The End.

But it wasn't the end for me. I started telling Dawn about my childhood fears and how when I saw that little girl that feeling just flooded over me and made me completely emotional. It sounds silly, I know, but I could see myself in her round face with that blonde bob haircut and blue, tear-filled eyes. As I started talking about that time in my life, I felt the little catch in my throat start to rise and tears are started to well in the backs of my eyes. I fought them off, and acted like I was fine. And, I am; I was just taken back to a memory I would rather not recall.
I couldn't help but think things were coming full circle in that moment; for all the people who ever helped this teary-eyed little girl find her momma, it was now time to pass it forward.


  1. Oh Dear Charla,
    So many emotions....I love the picture of you and your mom. Too sweet!
    You are not DINK for long..and I find it rather humorous you didn't know what that stood for...So innocent..
    As far as the getting lost...I once got lost at Six Flags and remember the panic feeling..It was something I will never forget and then once Cole got lost at Walmart. It was awful when he did find us, because his fear was too real. We both cried.
    You are going to be such a good mother. I know that the Lord has given you these circumstances in your life to help you on your journey to parenthood.
    Just remember when it does happen, to write everything will need it handy for your second and third
    love ya!

  2. I used to have that same panicky feeling when I was little! And I find lost kids all the time nowadays, and I empathize so strongly with them. Yesterday we were at Lowe's in the outdoor garden department and a little girl (probably 3-ish) ran past the fountains, caught a puddle, and fell skidding across the pavement on her knees. Ouch! She started bawling and looking around for her parents, and the panic set in. Turns out her family had already gone inside. Her dad, talking on the cell phone and completely unaware that she was missing and hurt, barely even paid attention to her when she found him. I wanted to give her a huge hug and tell her I saw her fall and that I understood how afraid she was. Poor thing. I guess it's good that people like us find the little ones with the same souls since we truly know what they're going through. =)

  3. I enjoyed this post....I totally understand the BEING ALONE...I was the exact same way if not worse...I would cry until my mom would come home from Girls' Night out or just a meeting...I would also just sit at the door and just cry when she walked down to the rode to get the mail...I still don't like being alone...or even leaving my kids alone...I have a free trip to Branson this week...and I can't leave my family...I know I should go since it is with my mom and grandma...but it would be hard to get everything together....take care of yourself and see you soon...steph

  4. I love the sound of DIOK or even SIOK... or even SIWT (try to figure that one out). Charla as I watched you play with my two boys this weekend...I was reminded again of what a huge capacity to love God has given you. You are going to be a fantastic Mama...I can't wait for the day to come. Thank you for loving my boys so much and for being such an awesome friend to me. Just remember God is good...all the time.

  5. DITTO!! I second what all these great girls have said!! And for the record...I didn't know what a DINK was either!! HAHA!!

    Maybe you could give a girl a little advise!! I just happen to be the mother of a sweet little blue eyed guy that it the SAME EXACT way! He is literally terrified that he will never see me again. He cries every single time I drop him of at Miss Angie's even though he has been with her for 2 years. He will not stay with anyone. The other day Sharon wanted to take him to the park and he wouldn't go with her!! It breaks my heart every time I see those big blue eyes fill with tears. I am running out of ideas to make him feel better!! Do you think it is just something he has to grow out of?? I think it started when all the stuff with Aliviah started. I'VE SCREWED HIM UP FOREVER!!! ARRGG!!

    Thanks for the little vent session!!:)

    Glad you had a good weekend. Oh, LOVE the new makeover!


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