A Story of Obedience

Psalm 128:1:  Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in OBEDIENCE to him. (NIV)

Psalm 128:1: BLESSED (HAPPY, fortunate, to be envied) is everyone who fears, reveres, and worships the Lord, who walks in His ways and lives according to His commandments. (Amplified Bible)


You may think that now that I'm pregnant, all my thoughts about infertility have gone by the wayside.  I must tell you, nothing could be further from the truth.  There are days when my heart just aches for my friends, fellow-bloggers and even family who still struggle with having a baby.

Richard and I tried to start a family for four years.  In fact, our first miscarriage was March of 2007, and if all goes as planned, and God willing, I will deliver the twins just a few weeks after that four-year mark.

Through those days, weeks, months of struggle, I questioned so many things in my life.  Was I being punished for bad behavior earlier in my life?  Why would God do this to us?  Why are so many unwed, teenage girls able to get pregnant on a whim and not even want their babies, and here I am struggling so much to just have ONE shot?!  The list goes on and on.


Slowly...and I mean, S-L-O-W-L-Y...I began to realize that having a baby wasn't what this whole journey was about.  Yes, it was what our goal began as.  But through the four years (I'm a slow learner, it seems), God taught me about the bigger picture.  He showed me it wasn't all about having a baby.  Nope.  God was much bigger than that.  And I don't mean that it was about having TWO babies, either.   I was on a journey that was no one else's but mine.  Having a baby at 15 wasn't my story.  Having a baby after trying for one month wasn't my story.  Adopting a baby wasn't my story.



Somewhere in the process, He placed this thought in my head.  "If I go through this whole process only focusing on the end result (having a baby), I could miss an opportunity to know my God on a much more personal level and to reach a point in my faith I've never been and I REFUSE to miss that chance by dwelling on the struggle."


And so began MY STORY of obedience.  My flesh cried out MANY, MANY times to turn the other way and run to the easy choices.  But my heart and my soul said otherwise.


When I finally surrendered and told God I would do WHATEVER He wanted me to, even if it meant not being able to have a child, I actually meant it.  I meant it because I finally got it.  I understood what being OBEDIENT and being a disciple meant and that even though it hurt at the moment, I knew something bigger, and grander was waiting for us when the journey ended.

I read a post today on one of my favorite blogs.  Malinda, at A Gift Worth the Wait, has such an amazing and inspiring perspective on adoption and God's plan and will in her family's life.  I first found her blog when we were contemplating adoption a couple of years ago. Go on over and read about what is going on in their lives and how they have lived in obedience to God's will and calling. 

Nursery...So Far

This weekend my parents were here and I was hoping we would get to get some things done around the house...things that I can't do at the moment like lift, climb, walk 10 feet without getting winded.  That kind of thing.

So, Friday I had my 24-week appointment in Lubbock, and my parents went with us.  My great-aunt (who is really like a second grandmother to me), told Mom the last time they saw her she really wanted to get the babies something special.  In her words, "something big, something nice, something expensive."  Sweet, sweet, and sweet! 

I was thinking maybe a car seat, or a pack 'n play.  But apparently her definition of "something big" is much different than mine.  Someday I'll get there.  :)

So, we ended up picking out a dresser for the nursery and decided while we were in Lubbock to swing by Babies 'R Us and see if maybe they at least had a floor sample so we could see it in person. 

They didn't have a floor sample.  But they did have ONE, yep, ONE in stock.  And we were able to bring it home with us and set it up.  This was Friday.  Saturday, Mom got an email from Wal-Mart saying the crib and mattress from them was in, so she headed over and picked it up. 

Empty room, ready to be filled! 

The beautiful dresser and me.  

 Working hard...well, some of us were just hardly working.  

And...dresser and Crib #1 were set up!  And I was happy.

Then, Monday I had a sorority meeting and was gone for a couple of hours.  While I was gone, McHotterson's mom called and said Crib #2 was in and he could pick it up.  So, he did and when I got home, Crib #2 was set up and in the nursery!  What a sweet, sweet surprise from my hot man!  Happy didn't quite cover it. 

So, here are some pictures of the nursery...so far. 

 Truett's crib.  

Reese's crib.

We will change the paint (went yesterday and got some chips to tape to the wall), and there will be closet doors as soon as they are painted.  But the idea is coming together and I'm so in love with it! 

And here they are together!  I can't wait to get started on the paint and get the bedding on!  

Sometimes I'm just completely overwhelmed by how much God has blessed us.  I can't explain it, really.  I just know how much I don't deserve any of this, yet He keeps pouring His blessings onto us, even as I continue to sin and be so imperfect.  I've been trying to choose a scripture to go on the wall in the nursery, and although I haven't picked one yet, this one keeps coming back to me, over and over.   

 Ephesians 3:20-21

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 

Two Hearts Beating Wildly

This pregnancy has been nothing if not unpredictable.  Yesterday was another reiteration of this fact.

Saturday I had a procedure called a cerclage placed in my cervix.  Basically it is two stitches that help to hold the cervix closed.  In my case, it is just precautionary, done only because I'm pregnant with twins and if you wait until there is a problem, it can often be too late and you can lose the pregnancy.  This is done often with multiples because of the added weight on the cervix during pregnancy.  It is also done with singletons when there is what is called an incompetent cervix. 

Pain and all, I was happy to oblige, and so we were at the hospital in Lubbock early in the morning Saturday.

I knew to expect a little bit of bleeding after the procedure, but that it should clear up in a couple of days.

Yesterday, after it had not done so, I decided just to text my doctor (I'm SO blessed to have a doctor who personally takes my calls/texts), and just see what he thought.  He thought it would be good to check me just to make sure the stitches hadn't come loose or any other complication hadn't arisen.

My mom and I headed to Lubbock after I got a sub for my class.  Dr. Hales said he would just work me in.

The first thing we had done was a full ultrasound.  The first question the sonographer asked was, "Do you know what you're having?  Is it a surprise?"  I said we knew Baby B was a boy, but were never able to know for sure about Baby A.  I also added if she saw any evidence to indicate what Baby A might be, to not hesitate in sharing it with us.

As soon as she put the wand on my belly, this is what we saw.  Seriously, this was the very first picture on the screen.  She said very matter of factly, "Well, you definitely have...

One BOY  and one GIRL !!!

Did you notice the subtitles the sonographer so graciously added to the picture?

When she said those words to me, tears streamed down my face.  Not because I was disappointed thinking they were both boys.  Not in the least.  We were happy with any combination, and would have been happy with even one.  

We would have been absolutely and abundantly blessed with anything, but when she said we had one of each, tears of gratefulness flowed almost uncontrollably.  

Psalm 37:4 immediately came into my mind, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  

Indeed.  He is able to "do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine," (Ephesians 3:20).  I do not deserve this blessing, but here He is, giving it freely and I am overwhelmed to the point of tears.  I'm overwhelmed because I don't know how to adequately thank Him or praise Him for His mercy and kindness to us.  

I would continue to ask for prayers for our little growing family.  During the exam, it was determined my cervix was unusually irritated and in a "friable" state (which just means fragile and that it bleeds easily).  I had to some tests sent off yesterday and we are praying for complete healing of any infections and for healing of my cervix, in then name of Jesus!   

  

God in the Media...and Everywhere Else He Should Be!

Lately I've been blessed to catch several faith-inspired programs or stories on t.v.  Some are on conservative talk shows, but others have been in the mainstream, liberal Media, which is a pleasant surprise to their usual tight-lipped ways when it comes to any mention of faith. 

First, my sister-in-law called and insisted I DVR Glenn Beck's report on Faith in America.  If you haven't watched it, please do!  It is well worth the time it takes to listen through it.  Talk about an eye-opener!  Wow!  If only we could bring faith into our schools and government as it was intended to be!  Go here to watch/listen to it.  

The other day I was listening to the Huckabee Report on my way to school.  I just love his common sense approach to things.

He mentioned Nebraska's new laws concerning abortion and as I listened I just thanked God for Governor Dave Heineman who led the change in legislation.  The law is two-fold.  First, it holds doctors CIVILLY responsible for performing extensive screening on women seeking an abortion in Nebraska.  Second, and most controversial, is the banning of abortions at 20 weeks past fertilization due to what has been reported as fetal pain.

Praise God we still have people in leadership positions who will stand up for what they believe in and stand on what the forefather's intended for our country.  Go here for the full story. 

Then, this morning I was watching Good Morning America as I got ready for work.  I'm sure you've heard the story about the little girl with autism in Florida, who walked off on a nature hike and was lost in the swampland for four days.  Her story was on GMA, and the man who found her, a fellow church member of her family's gave ALL THE GLORY of finding her to God.  He never took any credit, but said God led him straight to her as he prayed and recited scripture aloud, hacking his way through the swampland.  His interview was about 5 minutes long and he said the Lord's name at least as many times.  He seemed so humble and full of the Spirit; I was taken aback somewhat by his courage and his insistence that he was not to credit for finding her.

 
I think he was living up to Paul's instructions to the people of Thessalonica:  

2 Thessalonians 2: 15-17  So, friends, take a firm stand, feet on the ground and head high. Keep a tight grip on what you were taught, whether in personal conversation or by our letter. May Jesus himself and God our Father, who reached out in love and surprised you with gifts of unending help and confidence, put a fresh heart in you, invigorate your work, enliven your speech.

Don't Just Hear It

Listen to it.  I've heard it before...it was part of Fireproof.  But I hadn't really listened.  God saved it for the perfect moment and then it ministered to my heart and put into words what I couldn't.  Never underestimate the power of a melody and God's timing.


John Waller - While I'm Waiting (Official Music Video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

While I'm Waiting  
John Waller

I'm waiting


I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

A Promise

I opened my email this morning and discovered the title for a daily devotional I read. I had to smile at God's promise.

He Will Multiply You.

Although the exact meaning behind the devotional wasn't precisely about having children, the message certainly applied, and I can't help but believe God gave me that this morning as I hear of more and more people getting pregnant and having babies.



**Post Coming Soon: My trip to see Mamma Mia! in Amarillo last night with a good friend...UH-MAYZ-ING!!!

It's Done for 2009

Yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me. I am hoping it will be considered the worst day of 2009 and I will be done with it! In fact, I'm determined it will be. Done.

I'm amazed at how God communicates with me sometimes. I wanted nothing to do with listening to Him yesterday. Remember, just being honest here.

Yesterday, I got up and immediately a feeling of doom just fell over me. It is so hard to explain, but I can't imagine any of you haven't felt the same way at some point. I mean, I literally felt a cloud hanging over my head...agitated inside, irritable, angry, frantic.

So, I sat on the couch and tried to drown it out with television, but I couldn't focus. I kept thinking about God. Nothing specific really, just Him and what He's about and how I didn't understand Him sometimes.

And then the tears started and they just came and I couldn't control them and I sobbed and I screamed at Him and begged of Him, and asked him why.

And then the phone rang.

It was my mom and she had some news. It turns out my dad has prostate cancer. We talked some more and I cried some more. She gave me lots of information and reassurance. He will have his prostate removed in a few weeks and everything looks very positive. His cancer is contained and he will have a robotic procedure done to remove it. So, even though the news was not good, it could have been much worse.

I get off the phone with Mom and I'm sobbing again. But something picks me up and takes me into the kitchen and I start to make lunch for Richard and me, something I wasn't planning on doing that morning. It seems so small, but it was, in some small way, a step forward in that moment. I just had an urge to move forward and move on from that single second, on to the next. That was my pace yesterday morning.

I bawled over a pot of boiling eggs for tuna salad. I laid my forehead on the counter and just let my shoulders heave, and for the first time that morning, instead of talking TO God and yelling AT Him, I cried out FOR Him. I begged Him for help and told Him I needed Him and I didn't know what to say. And He heard me.

2 Samuel 22:7

In my distress I called to the LORD;

I called out to my God.

From his temple he heard my voice;

my cry came to his ears.

So, the day was filled with emotions, up and down and all around, but as always, this too shall pass and slowly things started to even out and the day continued. We worked in the country, talked with my parents again, and I had a good night's sleep.

You know when you have those "aha" moments, or those, "i've never thought about it that way" times? Well, I had one yesterday in the midst of all of this chaos and it's going to be so ridiculous, but I'm going to share it because it is what prompted this post in the first place.

All of a sudden, while we're out in the country feeding horses and checking on cows, it hits me. "Charla, you can either let this day own you, or you can make it a day that glorifies God because He has pulled you out of the mire and the pit you woke up in and it's the least you can do for Him to put a smile on your face and find something to be thankful about. You have a choice to have joy or not, and you're the only one that can make it. So, it's time to put your big girl panties back on, and get over it."

I promise those of you who left that in your comments to me in yesterday's post, those are EXACTLY the words that I said to myself...BIG GIRL PANTIES and all!

And by the end of the day, I was better. Not great. But okay.

Slowly, I have come to realize that it was nothing more or less than spiritual warfare I was dealing with. I 100% believe that we are dealing with an evil spiritual world here on earth and that our prayer is what keeps Satan and his demons at bay. If you've never read Frank Peretti's This Present Darkness it will open your mind to the power of prayer and to the potential power Satan has over our lives.

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

So today I've golfed, I've lounged by the pool and I've been thinking and praying.

I do hope posts like this serve to glorify Him and that no person reading them ever feels like I've given up on Him. Even in the worst of times, I will serve Him because it's all I know to do. I just feel like it is so important to show the world that Christians are just as weak as the next person and that the ONLY way we climb back up onto our feet is with the help and GRACE of Jesus Christ. If this blog was only filled with the "good stuff" of life, it wouldn't represent me and my daily struggle to love Him more and live in obedience to His Word, something I struggle with every second of my life!

Blessings Series: All the Time?

I've been contemplating this topic and these thoughts for a while now. Blogger Beware: Deep Thoughts Ahead! This will be the second installment in the Blessings Series. You can see the first installment here.

If you do not feel like a theological or philosophical subject for your blogging pleasure, then go ahead and scoot on to your next favorite site. Cuz I'm gonna pick your brain.

So, here's what I'm thinking about.

I've heard many times lately (on blogs, at prayer meetings, on the Internet, out of peoples' mouths, etc...) the exclamation, "God is so good!"

First, let me say I wholeheartedly believe this. But what I am wondering is what some would say when God doesn't seem good. Most of the time when I read these words it is in reference to a praise...someone has been healed, a baby has been saved from pre-term delivery, a disaster is averted, and so on. "God is so good!" Well, yes, yes He is.

But what if that someone died before they were healed? What if the baby WAS born prematurely and suffered greatly afterwards? What if the disaster came to pass and hurt many? Would we still speak those four words, "God is so good!"?

I'm sad to say I don't know.

I have been in the shadows, in the valley where it feels like He is not at my side and distant. I know what it feels like to, with every fiber of my being, not want to praise His name. Yet, somehow, in some way, I am able to. Why? Well, I don't know the exact answer, but I know it is from Him and has nothing to do with what I am capable of alone. But, I'm ever grateful for that blessing. Am I able to do this all the time, in every circumstance? Not at all! I am constantly questioning Him and His ways, His timing, His purpose.

And then I remember those words, "God is good ALL the time!" Not just in the good times, or on the mountaintops, or when it is easy for us to praise Him.

So, I pray that in those times when we feel He is farthest from us and out of reach, when we feel like He isn't listening and He isn't good, that we would all remember the truth:

He is good, ALL THE TIME!! Yes, even then.

No Mere Coincidence

As Christians, I don't think many of us believe in coincidences. I know I don't. This idea has never been more applicable to me than at this point in my life. I'm pretty sure it isn't because God all of a sudden started putting these events into my life. I know it is because I have drawn closer to him and I can see them better. I want to tell you about one of these God-things that just happened. I am doing a bible study online with 3 strangers and my sister-in-law through the LPM blog. Living Proof Ministries is Beth Moore's ministry and a group of women (any woman in the U.S. who participates in the blog at all), affectionately termed "Siestas" is having a summer bible study. We are studying "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. Anyway, I created a blog for the study and am SO excited to "get to know" the other four women in our group, and to get to study with my beloved SIL, Dawn. So, I get on the LPM blog to leave a comment about how our "meeting" went last night, the first day of the study, and to tell Beth about our group and our new blog. I leave my comment, start scrolling down through the other comments and reading and looking at the pictures next to them, and all of a sudden, I see a familiar face and I SERIOUSLY GASPED OUT LOUD! I know Sarah in a few ways...first, she was from San Antonio, and I was from a little town West of there, and she dated one of my best friends in high school. Second, she was roommates with my cousin at A&M and we all lived in the same dorm...yes, we were Underwood Hotties! Lastly, when she was in Uvalde for my cousin's wedding, she and Greg stayed with my parents for the weekend (that was over seven years ago)!

So, I went to her blog and got to see her brand new baby boy, Grayson and see what she has been up to and where she is!

Oh, if I could convince all of the world to blog, it would be a dream fulfilled! It has been such a blessing to me in so many ways and a ministry to both myself and others.

Some of you reading this blog know Sarah, so go check out her blog and leave her a word of encouragement! And even if you don't know her, I know her blog would be an encouragement to you...check it out!