Monday, September 01, 2008

Irrational Fears

First, judging from the long span between this post and my last, it shouldn't be surprising that I am starting my second week of school. The first week went really well and, so far, my classes have been just fine. We had an EXHAUSTING week last week and to top it off, we decided to make the 7 hour trek to Uvalde for the annual Montell horseshoe pitch on the river. We both were so tired and probably crazy for making the trip, but also agreed we were glad we did it. It was good to see family and friends and just spend time watching some horseshoes and not much else. OH, and Richard and his partner, Matt, ended up making it to the final four, out of around 30 teams. Not bad!

Okay, back to the title of this post.

Why is it we seem to have irrational fears? Where do they come from? Why do some suffer more than others with them?

I must admit, I am plagued by fears of this nature. I don't have many different ones, just a couple that haunt me and I can't seem to shake.

I think we all probably have fears of some sort. Whether they are true physical fears, such as fears of snakes, heights, the dark, water, etc...or just mental fears, such as fear of failure, being alone, financial ruin, etc...

One fear I have dealt with all my life is that of losing my father. I don't know why or where this came from, but it has been with me for literally, as long as I can remember. He will testify I have always worried for his safety, for his well-being, for his health. Whether he was on a road trip for work or with my mom, or hunting with friends, or starting new medications, or kayaking down the river; whatever the situation, I was terrified I would end up losing him. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

When I leave him, I will often wonder if this is the last time I'll kiss him goodbye. How morbid, huh? I try to not do this, mind you. I do KNOW it is irrational. I do KNOW I should trust more in God's plan for Dad's life and mine. I KNOW there is a plan, and my worrying won't change it. Yada yada yada...but I'm still fearful and I still worry and I probably will forever.

One piece of scripture I do cling to and go back to, and has become one of my favorites is

Romans 8:15

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

So, what are some of your irrational fears? Do they haunt you? Where do you think they came from? I'm anxious to hear about them and how you handle them.


  1. good to hear from you! i love reading your posts... you are so amazing! i feel so disconnected from everyone... glad school is good! can't wait to see you again. humm... my fears... well it is very odd to read yours because mine is sort of on the same lines only it is the fear of something happening to clay. being my dad and his both passed when we were young i FEAR this for my children. so ALWAYS when he is hunting, out of town etc. i always worry till i can't think of anything else. i have even worked myself up so much as to crying until i fall asleep. it is such a yucky feeling.
    love you!

  2. One of the irrational fears I had years ago was raising a child who decided not to follow the Lord. I worried to the point that for a while I wasn't sure I wanted kids.

    I later went on to realize that I was to simply do my best as a father, point my children in the right direction and let God lead them.

    I've come to realize now that I'm raising them to be adults, and adults made "adult decisions." I have to let my kids make their own decisions. I want them to have their own faith, not their fathers.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is it's irrational for me to think I am in control of everything. I must let God work in my children's lives too.

  3. Love your post, CJ. So weird that you write this because just tonight I was sitting (and morbidly) thinking about my father and if I spend enough time with him - even though he lives only 5 blocks away. I was dealing with a lot of "Mommy" guilt tonight and my irrational fear is that I'm scarring my children for life because I have to be a working mom. I know a lot of mothers struggle with this guilt and it was comforting to read the scripture verse you posted. I know that I cannot worry and feel guilty continuously, but it is sometimes so hard to shake...especially if your child is adjusting slowly to the new routine of school and being away from Mommy after a long summer. Anyway - thanks for the opportunity to vent about my irrational fears.

  4. Great post!! I love your honesty!! I have the same kinds of fears as some of the others. My greatest fear is probably losing Jason. I've also always had this sick feeling that my kids will come down with some terminal illness like Cancer or somethig terrible like that. I think I take the "that can't happen to me" to the opposite extreme of "bad things happen to good people" and it puts me in a constant state of fear and worry! Prayer, prayer. prayer!!!

    Thanks for the great post! I love you girl!

  5. I have the same fears...but it is usually with my mom, grandma, and especially TOBY...I think about what I would do and what would happen if that happened to scares me. I am just glad that I am not the only one...It scares me everyday...i mean everyday...steph

  6. very good post. It makes me think. I don't know of any specific irrational fears of mine, but I do have too much fear about things in general -- how I'll be perceived by others, what decisions my kids will make, what will happen in the future kinds of things.

    Weird, because I know it's God's and not mine.

    Still. . .

  7. I use to have a fear my boys would be autistic...I had to constantly remember 2 Corin 10:5 and take every thought captive b/c fear crowds out faith.
    Now I think my only real fear is my boys not growing up to love the Lord...not just a basic faith, but I want them to love the Lord more than anything else in this world, but I hold onto the promise that God says if we train them up in the way that they should go they will not depart from it! miss talkin' to ya!

  8. I loved your post! I have a lot of fears that I wish I didn't have. I worry about losing my parents, worrying about Tanner and Ella so much that I get up at night and check on them, worry about losing Ryan and what would happen if I did...Crazy thoughts. Loved seeing you the other night!!

  9. On a lighter note......because all of those fears are getting me DOWN...

    My fear is that the HS teachers are conspiring to get me to dress MIX/MATCH on the wrong day!

  10. I love Francesa's fear....(Now why would we do that to her)

    My fear...(don't laugh) lightning striking me...I HATE HATE HATE lightning that is so close that it instantly thunders so loud...


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