Thursday, May 14, 2009

Do I Have to be NoRmAL?

Normal. What does that exactly mean? And by who's definition do we set our "normal" standard? Well, when you're going down the road of infertility "normal" is defined by blood tests, follicle size, hormone levels, and when it comes down to it, an 8 x 11 oft framed piece of paper declaring the person sitting across the desk from you, an "expert."

Those who have gone through this perplexing experience know that when you are waiting on tests or results, the LAST thing you want to hear is "everything looks NORMAL!"

Because NORMAL means we just have to keep plugging and try to figure things out, try another treatment, or try again and see what happens. Because if there was something ABNORMAL, at least we could pinpoint it, and then treat it and get on with it.

But you can't treat NORMAL.

Don't misunderstand me. I truly am thankful that there isn't anything so seriously wrong that it can't be fixed.

And I know this is where, because medical technology cannot give me answers, I am learning to lean on God even more than I have been.

I was just chatting with a friend about all of this. She has been down this road but now has four beautiful children so she can look back and see His handprints. She made the comment that at her stage in the game it is easy to be calm, but at my stage is when it is easy to completely lose your sense of calm.

And that right there is a testament to my story and how God has truly worked in it at every second. Because I have had a sense of peace and calm for the last year of this journey, since my Walk to Emmaus last June.

And I'm absolutely excited about the future and the pitter-patter of little feet.

Ecclesiastes 11:5: Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.

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  1. I'm sorry. It's hard. It stinks. But there is a plan and the only thing for sure is that it is not our plan.

  2. Oh girl, I have been there. Years ago, Lonnie and I begged God daily for a baby. We spent so much time and money trying to get pregnant. As I lay on the bathroom floor screaming with agony because another pregnancy test was negative, I promised God if he would just show me the way I would follow. About two weeks later, miraculously, we received a letter from an adoption agency that our church was affiliated with. I read it and the answer was right there! They were asking for donations but that is not what I read. To make a long story short, we adopted our wonderful son, Garrett and life was awesome. I cannot explain the joy!

    We did have a pregnancy completely on our own three years later but lost that baby at 39 weeks. It was devastating. I did not know if I would ever be he same. You know God, He had other plans. When Garrett was 7, I came up pregnant all on our own, not even trying. Tonight, I am sitting her looking at that beautiful miracle as she lay asleep on the couch with one foot on the back of the couch, one hand hanging off, still in her school clothes. Both my children came to me when God wanted me to have them, the way He wanted them to come. I know with all my heart Garrett is my son for a reason. Guthri came to me at the age of 36 for a reason.

    I know it is frustrating and you cannot understand why this is happening to you, but God understands why, He is not frustrated.

    Hang in there girl and don't pray for patience or babies, pray for His will! Love ya!

  3. I have no profound advice for you. I'm sure you may have heard it all, Charla, but my heart aches with yours for you to have that pitter-patter. You will, one day, heat that I know. My parents were not able to have children, but also didn't go to the great lengths with fertility treatment. Adoption was their option. I think back then it was less accepted and people worried for them, but it all worked out with God's plan for my brother and I (not blood related) to be adopted at just the right time for them. I pray for God's will for you and that God's will is that you will hear the sweet sounds of a baby very soon. Love ya and keep your eyes to the Lord and you will be rewarded in time.

  4. There are no words to say when a woman wants a child so bad and it isn't here yet. It is also sad when you loose a child you know my story and it is a sweet one, but I love the fact I have a HUGE present waiting on me in heaven, my sweet Emma.Have faith and start thanking Him everyday for the child He will be blessing you with. He is faithful to those who stay in HIm. I love you girl. God is good.

  5. You know we pray for you and your hubs every single day, and we'll just keep on a praying. I love the scripture verse you posted.

  6. Your faith is a great lesson for us all! Love ya girl, and I always remember you in my prayers.

  7. That makes every bit of since to me. I experience the same thing as a single girl. I am "normal". I am athletic, on the pretty side, a Christian, socially normal, FUNNY...and yet I am not married or dating. There are people "experts" that tell me I am in the wrong town, or I need to get out more, or whatever. And there are the people that have been down my road and are peacefully here to encourage me.

    So I pray for you like I pray for myself because my heart feels your heavy heart. love ya!

  8. I have been thinking of you the past few days. I hope your spirits are up....I know how hard it can be and some days I think God is not listening but we all know He is. Hang in there, some day all this pain will be your strength (I know that doesn't help matters now!) Your in my prayers!

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  10. i pray for you all the time. you are really inspirational, charla. i am so moved by your peaceful, patient nature, even when i know you just want to scream sometimes. i can't wait to meet your little sweetie someday soon.

  11. Hey Charla you just hang in there. Don't know if you know it but Ive been there. It is a very difficult place to be. We struggled for 5 long years with the fertitlity thing. After a couple of years of tests and the diagnosis of everything is "normal" and the Dr wanting to repeat some tests I changed to a fertility specialist and he said I don't really care what the problem is or isnt-let's just work on getting you where you want to be-PG!! After a couple of years and 10 or so AI's we finally decided to try invitro. You know my precious Allyssa who will be graduating in 2 weeks-well wolla! she is my invitro baby! I was thirty when she was born-about to be 31. Then 3 years later, two miscarrages in a row,and trying 2 years-along came Ainslee. Then before Ains was even two came our sweet Addison-let me tell you there is one thing I do know-and that is-sometimes blessings come to us disguised. You try to keep your spirits up-I know how rough that rollercoaster can be. And I guess now, doing the math, you know my age-so-if you ever need some "older" shoulder you feel free to shoot me an email. and prayers to you and your husband.


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