It's been a long time since I've posted last. And the truth is, I do have lots to write about (shocking, isn't it?). I have pictures from Thanksgiving, a few of some home improvements and other things to share, but there's something else I've had on my heart and mind for several weeks and I think I'm finally ready to share it.
I've been thinking a lot lately about lots of things, but mainly about my prayer life. Boy, whomever came up with the saying, "Be careful what you wish (or pray) for, because you just might get it," sure knew what they were talking about.
God and I had a long conversation one day when I was home alone, sitting by the fire, reading my Sheila Walsh book (which will be discussed in another post). I turned off all of the lights, lit some candles, curled up in my big chair and ottoman next to the fire, pulled out my book and started to read. But God had other plans. For a long while, I have felt like I didn't have enough words; you know the good ones, the ones that you're supposed to say to the man who saved your soul and promised you eternity? So, my solution was so stupidly human I'm ashamed to even speak it aloud; I just stopped talking to Him. Well, not that I stopped altogether, but I definitely stopped having deep conversations with him and most of them weren't heartfelt, said mostly out of duty and not love or devotion.
I think part of the issue has been I've been truly scared of what He might say back to me, like His answer wouldn't be what I wanted to hear so I if I didn't ask or talk to Him about it, then I could avoid that heartache. It doesn't work that way though, does it? He always draws me back in and tugs and tugs until I just can't ignore it anymore.
So, sitting by the fire, talking to Him, I asked for one main thing; "I want to know you, God and I want to talk to you like I talk to Richard or to my mom or to Dawn. I want to feel you in my life. And Lord, I want to pray. I don't know what to say to you sometimes, but I want you to work miracles in my prayer life, Lord."
Here's what His answer has been.
First, He gave me the opportunity to attend Women of Faith with some good friends and I heard Sheila Walsh speak. There were thousands of women there that day, but I just knew she was talking right to me, speaking to my heart, because she was talking about her once disjointed prayer life and I could relate more than I cared to admit. So, I bought her book, "Get Off Your Knees and Pray," and it was fantastic! She is so open and honest about this aspect of her life and it got me thinking, laughing, crying, relating, and PRAYING!!
Second, and this may be a little hard to grasp, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. He gave me a desire to know Him better. Christianity is such a journey and I have been in somewhat of a valley; well, let's just say I wasn't below sea level or anything, but I was in a low-spot in the landscape. There are top-of-the-mountain moments here and there, but overall, because I was not spending quality time with Him, my coals were getting cold and the fire was dying.
Third, the Lord gave me eyes to see some answered prayer in my life and others' and this was absolutely amazing. I saw my prayer making a difference in others' lives and thus making a difference in mine.
Fourth, I have been BLESSED to be part of a leadership team that is forming a new Women's Ministry program at our church. I have been really led to pray for this group and the women whom we will be ministering to. This is a HUGE responsibility and one I do not take lightly so I have felt the urge to just pray for guidance for our group.
Lastly, I have been in contact with someone I know God has put on my path for a great reason. I posted about this connection before. Jan is a fellow blogger, an Emmaus gal, and a Jesus lover! I was asked to be part of a very special prayer team in June and I KNOW this is part of His plan to lead me into greater communion with Him. What's funny is when I suspected I would be asked to be on this team, I really thought I would be part of the music group because on all of my information this is what I listed as my previous experience. Oh, but He had other plans (what's new, huh?). So, last night I was SHOCKED when I was asked to be part of the prayer team and honestly I was a little hesitant. Again, I started to doubt my ability to really represent these women and go to God on their behalf. Who am I to pray for them? But I knew I had to say "yes" because I couldn't imagine how this wasn't something He had planned from the beginning. When I prayed for help in this area of my life, He decided I needed to exercise my praying voice and not my singing voice. And, I'm thinking there's probably a lesson in humility tucked away in there somewhere!
Now, this post is not to say things are where they "need to be," and I'm not sure we ever get to that point when it comes to our relationship with our heavenly Father. However, I at least feel like I'm moving in that direction. And also know that the JOY I rediscovered this summer has never left me! I am still finding JOY everywhere and I'm more thankful for that now than ever. Even in the trying times and faith-testing times, we can feel Him because He's there.
I'm could go on and on, but I will spare you and just leave you with a scripture I have made the background on my computer so I see it every morning!
Waiting on Him,
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him!"