Sunday, January 11, 2009

Overcome

Life isn't always fair. It can deal you some pretty hard blows sometimes, knocking the breath out of you, leaving you feeling empty and alone. The easy thing to do is hide, to curl up in a ball and hide away; to watch t.v. or absorb yourself in a book so your mind doesn't have the chance to wander. But that would be easy. And there's one thing I've learned over my lifetime, and especially in the last 4 years of my life...the easy way never makes things better and only drags out the heartache you must go through to reach the other side of happiness again.

I was watching Joyce Meyer a few mornings ago and she was talking about living in fear and how God hasn't designed us for that. We were not built to live in fear, but how that is very different than being scared. She talked about how experiencing fear is normal and in many ways healthy, but that living IN fear and being consumed by it is living against God's will for our lives and is too easy. The best way to get over that all-consuming fear is to step out in faith. I tried to picture that in my current circumstance.

My vision looks something like this: fear is a room completely void of light, the darkest place I have ever experienced. No matter how wide I open my eyes, there is no way to see. I know there are walls but I have no idea where they are or how big the room is. I only know I want to get out, but I don't know how or where to go and I can't see anything. The darkness is paralyzing and my heart pounds, my body aches with grief and I am all alone in my fear, at least that is how it feels at the moment. Slowly, however, I realize what must be done and I fight it at first because it hurts too much. I don't want to pray, I don't want to talk to Him about it, I don't want to ask for help because I'm FEARful of the answer, FEARful of being disappointed and FEARful of feeling good again because of the potential for more pain. But I know it must be done. So, I slowly get to my feet and the words start to form in my mind, in my heart, "Lord, I don't have words, but you know what I need. I beg of you relief from this hurt. I know you are the only one who can fill this void in my heart. I need your peace. I wait on you and I know you will hear my call."

And then, I take the first step. And here I am. And things aren't quite as dark as they were.






Because I know there are some who will read this that will not know what is going on, after 21 months of trying after a miscarriage in March of 2007, we found out New Year's Eve we were pregnant. We were ecstatic but didn't share our news with anyone but family and a very few close friends because of our previous experience. We praised God for his answer to our prayer and were overwhelmed with happiness and expectation for the future. The first thing we did was hug each other and cry as we offered a prayer of thanksgiving for this miracle. Less than a week later a phone call confirmed I was indeed miscarrying this baby, as well and now we are dealing with the aftermath of that news, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

39 comments:

  1. Words cannot express my sorrow for you. I truly am sorry...I don't know why these things happen, and I won't try to figure that out now. I am praying for you and your husband, my friend. That is all we can is to continue praying and seeking His will during this difficult time. I am so sorry for your pain and your loss.

    Love, your sister in Christ

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh charla...tears...tears streaming down my face. i have no words for you...just prayers. i just don't understand sometimes...i am trying not to be angry...gosh...i love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain that you are your husband are feeling at this point. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I know that God has a special plan designed for you and your future children.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so sorry. I have been saying prayers and my heart and thoughts have been with you and Richard. If there is anything we can do, we would love to.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have no words either,but just know I'm thinking of you and praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. CDJ-
    I just had a "sense" that something was going on with you. You've been on my heart a lot in the past couple of weeks.
    You are in my prayers, my dear friend.
    Love you!
    cls

    ReplyDelete
  7. So sorry. Hugs to you sweet girl.

    ReplyDelete
  8. We had one miscarriage and then one successful pregnancy before I had to have a Hysterectomy. We then tried two IVF attempts with a surrogate and they both failed. It is so hard to understand what the plan is for us. It hurts. I hate it. I want answers. It is so hard to get through and I still think about it each day. I will pray for you that your miracle will come. I'm so sorry for your second loss.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You and Richard are in my daily prayers...

    ReplyDelete
  10. i love you, charla!!! i wish i had words, but i do not...

    i am praying for you daily--i know His words are what you need now, and i pray that He places on your heart the wisdom & strength you need to get through this!! i also pray that you find relief in His arms and the will to go on as He surrounds you with His unconditional love!

    i love you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lala it was beautifully written. I know you might not see us, but we are standing inside the room with you. I have no other words except I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. We met at the fundraiser for the Pregnancy Outreach Center in Nov. I was the one who had the same shirt as you. We lost a baby, our last chance to have one a year 1/2 ago I know your pain and I lift you both up to God. Stay in HIM. I am hear if you ever need an ear.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Charla...You are in our prayers! My hope is that you feel His presence surrounding you through the many people who love you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. My sweet sister in Christ, I want you to know that I wish I could take this heartache away and carry it on my shoulders. Allow God to hold you in his arms and comfort you and your husband. I don't know all the right words to say other than, know that you are loved and being prayed for. GOD will answer your prayers, but it may be in his time not ours. May the mighty angles of GOD surround you and your husband, may their wings enlope you and let you cry and voice your disappointment. that when they wipe away each tear, that hurt and pain start releasing.

    Love Ya and will always be praying

    ReplyDelete
  15. Charla,
    My heart goes out to you, I too have been where you are. But let me tell you we serve an awesome God, my husband and I struggled for almost 6 years before we finally had our precious little girl. But during those long months and years of wanting and waiting for that baby, God showed us how to learn to rely on him and he healed our broken hearts. My prayer for you is that you can come to that place where you can take that first step toward healing. God is there just reach out. May God bless you and your husband.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Charla, I knew something was wrong because I did not hear from you all week, but thought you were busy. I am so sorry I didn't check on you. Please know that I love you and am so so sorry for this loss. You are so very special to me and if there is anything at all that you need I'm here! I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't have words either...but I want you to know that I pray and think of you daily... Bless you and Richard....Love you lots, steph

    ReplyDelete
  18. Charla, we are so sad to hear of yalls loss and we want you to know that the wilson fam is definitly praying for you guys...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Charla, I too have suffered a miscarriage and there are no real words to describe the pain and loss and sadness. I will keep you in my prayers and pray that you will stay strong in your faith. Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Charla (and Richard) I am so very sorry! Know that you are surrounded by my love and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  21. charla, i am overcome with tears and my heart is sick. i don't even know what to say other than i am so so sorry. i want to wrap you up in my arms. in my prayers tonight, as you are every night. i mean that.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Char,
    You know I love you dearly, and I miss you terribly. I wish I could be right there in Childress with you to hold your hand and maybe make you smile. You are amazing, and so strong. Look at all the lives you touch daily through your blog, and how many people love you. You are, and have been in all of our prayers. I adore you. I know you don't want to talk right now. I am here and always will be. I'm looking forward to hearing your voice.
    Love and Prayer!
    Sally

    ReplyDelete
  23. God broke the mold when He made you. My wife and I will keep you in our prayers, and He will answer. Keep stepping for that door. The first step is always the hardest.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I know the pain of a miscarriage, but I also know your pain is greater. I wish with all my heart I could take the pain away and fill you with joy and life instead. Prayer...never give up on prayer. There is always a time and a place, and it's not ours to determine. I love you Charla. You & Richard are so special and I know there are great things in your future. Like all your friends!!!!! 24 comments already?!?!?! I'm lucky to get 3 on my blogs...you are SURROUNDED by Love...and that's a very good thing indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I love you Charla!! I am SO sorry. This just sucks!:) Know that you are in my prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  26. i love you and if i could take you away from the pain...i would....
    you are loved...

    ReplyDelete
  27. I don't know you but as a Christian sister in the Body of Christ, I want you to know that I am Praying Gods peace and comfort for you! May you feel our Heavenly Father's arms around you.
    Misty Williams. Kermit Texas

    ReplyDelete
  28. Charla,
    You know me as Red Hot Momma. :)Now I've blown my cover! Kidding.

    I have another blog called Amanda Sanders Blog, that you visited today.

    Praying for you tonight...

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hey sweet sister, I am so sorry for your loss. I am inspired by your courage to face the loss and to reach out in the darkness to find the hand of God. I am praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Char...you know that you and Richard are always in our prayers. Your faith is such an example for all of us to learn from. I am proud that you are my friend. Sending you lots of hugs and love!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Charla, I am praying for peace, comfort and for you to feel God's arms wrapped around you. Remember the song "Snuggle Up With Jesus", He is there for you. Just know you have alot of Friends in Christ thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers.
    Vicki Phillips, Seminole, TX

    ReplyDelete
  32. Charla, I am so sorry for your loss. My favorite scripture is James 1:2-3 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. I know that it is so hard to find joy in this situation but there will come a time I know that God will bless you with a bundle of joy. Stay strong, stay focused and you will preserve. Praying for you and Richard.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You are being lifted up in prayer. May you feel the peace that only God can provide.

    Our love, L and M Lechler

    ReplyDelete
  34. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Richard. So very sorry for your loss! We will continue prayers every day for comfort and healing.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I hate that this happened to you once, let alone again. I am so sorry. This may bring no comfort but I know God has allowed you to have a great influence on so many children in Childress. You will have an imprint in many families that you will never know.

    I will continue to pray that you and Richard are blessed with children. You both are blessing and influencing children by the example of your faith. Love ya, dp

    ReplyDelete
  36. i'm adding you to my prayer list and hope you find comfort in Him during this heartbreaking time.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm just now catching up on blogs, so I had no idea about this. I'm so sorry and I know that I have no words that can help ease the pain. I'll be praying for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Charla, I am so so sorry. I continue to pray for you, for God's peace and comfort right now...for Him to hold you close in these times that are so difficult to understand. Ugh. You are in my thoughts and I am on my knees for you!!

    ReplyDelete

Comment away, y'all!